Let him show you how it's done

I am actually excited! I have a date on Tuesday night. Yes, Tuesday night. That is a few days away, but how about that- the man planned ahead.

You may recall this fella as Greg Good Man from the last post. So far I have to say, this guy gets very high marks. Let me just point out a few things that I feel like he did right.

He messaged me first. 

Of course it doesn't have to be this way, but it is flatter that he took the time to.

He mentioned specific points on my profile.

It wasn't a generic message. He noted specific things that he liked about my profile and said that he'd like to get to know me more.

He was prompt in replying, but not creepy-fast prompt. 

This can be a delicate balance. In fact there was a guy just this week who would get frustrated that I wouldn't respond within minutes. But Greg Good Guy is reliable and dependable, and frankly that is very attractive.

He takes initiative.

He asked me for my phone number after a few messages exchanged. He asks me when a good time to call would be, and calls me at that time. After a few phone calls, he asked me out.

He is gentlemanly.

He asked if I like particular types of food, then when I gave a really terrible answer (truly my bad), he already had a plan, which was great. He asked if I'd be more comfortable meeting there or if he "could do the chivalrous thing and pick me up." I was so flattered! I honestly haven't had a guy pick me up in so long. I live kind of out of the way of most people, and when I warned him of that he insisted it wasn't an issue.

So there you have it. He should consider writing a short course in how to treat a lady. And frankly, woo a lady. I find myself smiling. It's very unlike me... but I like it. :)

6 Types of Dating Disasters

In dating, Patti points out 6 types of guys that the single lady should be wary of. 


1. Kenny the Critic

He critiques and corrects everything about you.

Patti says- "He's either insecure or obsessed with perfection."

I've dated this guy. It's maddening. From my experience it stems more from insecurity. My personal opinion is that when it comes to self worth, you either find it within yourself or you make others around you pay for it. That never turns out well!

2. Bobby the Bragger

Boasts about his desirability and every other thing about him.

Patti says- "He thinks he's God's gift to women."

You can spot these guys from their online dating profiles. They usually say things about how stunning they are in physique or career and expect the women they are with to meet the same level of excellence. Nothankyouverymuch.

3. Frugal Freddie

The guy who doesn't want to part with his money and views every interaction in terms of dollars and cents.

Patti says- "It's alright to be thrifty, but very dollar he spends seems to cause him pain."

Yes, also dated this guy. There is a line between wise in spending money and cheap skate. The problem with cheap skates is they make you feel like a liability or not worth (any) money. There are plenty of ways to make a girl feel special with little to no money, but when all the focus is on the expense, it just makes you feel worthless to the guy.

4. Paulie the Pouncer

The guy who goes from "What's your name" to "How do you like your eggs in the morning" within 2 minutes.

Patti says- "All too common- the guy just wants to get laid."

Le sigh, this is all too common in the online dating arena, but luckily these guys tend to give themselves away within the first few interactions.

5. Mark the Misogynist

They have a bone to pick with women worldwide. Whether it's mommy issues or ex-girlfriend issues, he's not letting go and taking it out on you.

Patti says- "They clearly don't like or respect women."

To me this is the scariest type of man, and it's surprising how prevalent they are. I've gotten a taste of this in dating and it's enough to make my skin crawl. Maybe they don't want you to succeed more than them. Maybe they don't want to give you any real or perceived power over them. Maybe they want you to agree with them all the time. Maybe they feel threatened by your happiness independent of him. It's a bad deal, ladies. Get out if you see signs of this.

6. Wally the Wounded

The Eeyore of the dating world. Wearing their broken heart on their sleeve and looking to you for solace.

Patti says- "This type has a way of sucking you in and making you want you to take care of him."

Mercy, I have little to no patience for this type of guy in my dating life. I learned the hard way years ago about this guy, and have henceforth kept my sensors out to detect this type of attitude in guys. I think this is something a lot of women struggle with because they're nurturing by nature, but when it comes down to it, I'm not looking for someone to coddle, but a man to be my partner in life.

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So these are some of the common dating pitfalls that Patti warns us single ladies to avoid. But lest we get discouraged, she ends with these words- "There are normal, healthy, and worthwhile guys out there."

I hope so, Patti, I really hope so.

Stumbling over online dating

Alright folks, approximately 3 weeks after finishing dating detox, I am officially driving myself crazy, with an assist by online dating.

Based on past experiences and this one, I have determined that it takes approximately 3 days into online dating to become disillusioned. Let me explain to you some of the marketing and business model of these companies.

Online dating companies almost always have some level of a free profile registration. it is a boon to their business to be able to say that they have a large database. More fish in the sea, if you will. So you do that, and generally you are allowed to perform some sort of search function, or receive "matches" of some kind so you are able to see the types of wonderful people you will be able to meet, if only you join their service. Until you subscribe, you can only admire them from afar, but you will not be able to communicate to a level where you can actually meet unless you pay.

SO, if you do see some nice young men you are interested in, you can join and take a shot. Here is what they don't tell you, but those experienced in the online dating realm are well aware of. You're also taking a gamble on whether or not the people you are interested in are actually paying members as well. Because if they aren't, even if you are, you still won't be able to actually connect with them.

Therein lies the rub! I approximate it takes 3 days for you to join and realize the people you're actually interested in either aren't interested in you or aren't subscribed. Sometimes it feels like the recycling symbol- You're chasing one, he's chasing another, another is chasing you. And round and round it goes.

Do you sense a hint of pessimism in my tone? That bums me out. That's really not me at all. I'm letting this get to me, and that has to stop. I think I'm unintentionally putting all my proverbial eggs of meeting anyone in the basket of online dating, and that's dumb. And frankly, that's not WHAT PATTI SAID. :)

So now it's time to employ other methods. I'm thinking specifically of the 5 second stare and friend-referral, soon to be documented. So I will end on this note- do you know someone who you think I might be interested in getting to know and vice versa? Holla atcha girl!

Dating Retox- Online dating

I shall call this phase... dating retox.

Online dating. I realize it has a stigma, but here's the deal. When you're an adult with a job and a routine and a stable friend group, it's easy to get into a rut where you don't meet many new people. And you know what the internet does? It is a series of tubes and hoses that link your computer to all the other computers in the world! And behind those computers are people! Perhaps even people you haven't met!

But really, I have dipped my toe back into the frigid pool of online dating. I have used it before and met some cool people. Some more cool than others. This week I went on one online date, but it was to an event and I can pretty well guarantee it will be a one time thing.

I thought I might use this post as a forum to answer some questions about online dating. I know people have a lot. So... let 'er rip!