Calling in reinforcements

I'm a solid 2 months into my 12 Month Love Action Plan, and I figured it was time to bring in reinforcements. Yes, I ordered Patti's book- Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate. Because let's face it, a 60 minute DVD is little sustinance for a year's worth of relationship building.

One of the topics she hits on in her book for this phase of the game is date data-collecting. She says that even if you hate the early phases of dating like she does, you can have a good time by making a game of seeing what information you can glean from each experience.

I think this is a good point. I firmly believe that each date, no matter how lackluster or awkward, provides you with ample learning experience, so it's good to go into it with such an attitude.

One way I'm trying to work this into my life is by dating types of guys I usually don't go for. I will admit that I've had a pretty specific "type" and now I'm looking into guys I would normally write off, because well, my own type hasn't been going so well for me, has it? I will say it has forced me out of my comfort zone (in a good way!) and made me drop some preconceptions and prejudices I've had. And who knows, just maybe I'll be proven wrong.

That's NOT what Patti said!

This blog is named What Patti Said. The premise of this year is to follow the words of Patti Stanger. But sometimes I just don't! Usually because I just forget. Here are some tips I've messed up on.

DON'T TEXT!

Patti says- don't text a guy! By telling a guy you don't text and prefer the phone you speed up your courtship. "Women fall in love between their ears, not with their thumbs."

I messed this up on accident! The guy I went out with last night, for example. Last week he had sent me his phone number via the interwebs and told me to text him to figure out a day to get together. I did it without even thinking- made sense to me. But then as I was recounting the story to a friend, she pointed out my misstep! Alas! And once you break the texting seal, it's pretty hard to go back and act as though you don't actually text. Oops!

STRAIGHT HAIR, NOT CURLY HAIR!

Last night, as I was literally walking out the door, I was struck by the realization that my hair was curly. Granted, it looked great. Granted, it was completely weather/situation appropriate. BUT men like straight hair!

As a woman, I've heard this a lot through the years. It's based on the general premise that men 1- like long hair and 2- like the thought of running their hands through women's hair. I even read this article about an experiment a woman did on an online dating site in an A/B style marketing test. Straight hair won the day soundly. 

So I went on a date with curly hair. If I never hear from him again, I'll know why.

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I'm sure there are other things I am doing wrong. There is one that I am purposefully not doing, which I will talk about in the next installment!

The new old fashioned way

Ladies and gentleman, I just might have a "date" this weekend. I'm going to let my mind go free and follow all the little rabbit paths I want to during this blog as I let you into my psyche.

A date. I think it's a date. I'd call it a date. It's coffee. With a guy. A guy I met online, but through the Twitters, not a dating site. It came about because he kept flirting with me online. I've never met him (although we have mutual friends). I know he's shy, so finally I just messaged him and suggested we should be real life friends and get coffee sometime. He responded very enthusiastically, so we'll see how it goes.

My little part of the subculture is so terrible at dating. If you were an evangelical Christian hitting adolescence during the "Kiss Dating Goodbye" craze, I am pretty sure you were scarred for life on some level and take dating entirely too seriously.

Luckily for me, this fella is very vettable, so there will be no Catfish-like reveals that it's all a hoax. I am 99.5% sure he is really real, which is higher confidence than I have for some of my own friends. :)


So I'm going in with an open mind... but very tempered expectations. All dates, even those not going anywhere, are good life and communication experience. I'll keep you updated.

6 Types of Dating Disasters

In dating, Patti points out 6 types of guys that the single lady should be wary of. 


1. Kenny the Critic

He critiques and corrects everything about you.

Patti says- "He's either insecure or obsessed with perfection."

I've dated this guy. It's maddening. From my experience it stems more from insecurity. My personal opinion is that when it comes to self worth, you either find it within yourself or you make others around you pay for it. That never turns out well!

2. Bobby the Bragger

Boasts about his desirability and every other thing about him.

Patti says- "He thinks he's God's gift to women."

You can spot these guys from their online dating profiles. They usually say things about how stunning they are in physique or career and expect the women they are with to meet the same level of excellence. Nothankyouverymuch.

3. Frugal Freddie

The guy who doesn't want to part with his money and views every interaction in terms of dollars and cents.

Patti says- "It's alright to be thrifty, but very dollar he spends seems to cause him pain."

Yes, also dated this guy. There is a line between wise in spending money and cheap skate. The problem with cheap skates is they make you feel like a liability or not worth (any) money. There are plenty of ways to make a girl feel special with little to no money, but when all the focus is on the expense, it just makes you feel worthless to the guy.

4. Paulie the Pouncer

The guy who goes from "What's your name" to "How do you like your eggs in the morning" within 2 minutes.

Patti says- "All too common- the guy just wants to get laid."

Le sigh, this is all too common in the online dating arena, but luckily these guys tend to give themselves away within the first few interactions.

5. Mark the Misogynist

They have a bone to pick with women worldwide. Whether it's mommy issues or ex-girlfriend issues, he's not letting go and taking it out on you.

Patti says- "They clearly don't like or respect women."

To me this is the scariest type of man, and it's surprising how prevalent they are. I've gotten a taste of this in dating and it's enough to make my skin crawl. Maybe they don't want you to succeed more than them. Maybe they don't want to give you any real or perceived power over them. Maybe they want you to agree with them all the time. Maybe they feel threatened by your happiness independent of him. It's a bad deal, ladies. Get out if you see signs of this.

6. Wally the Wounded

The Eeyore of the dating world. Wearing their broken heart on their sleeve and looking to you for solace.

Patti says- "This type has a way of sucking you in and making you want you to take care of him."

Mercy, I have little to no patience for this type of guy in my dating life. I learned the hard way years ago about this guy, and have henceforth kept my sensors out to detect this type of attitude in guys. I think this is something a lot of women struggle with because they're nurturing by nature, but when it comes down to it, I'm not looking for someone to coddle, but a man to be my partner in life.

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So these are some of the common dating pitfalls that Patti warns us single ladies to avoid. But lest we get discouraged, she ends with these words- "There are normal, healthy, and worthwhile guys out there."

I hope so, Patti, I really hope so.

Stumbling over online dating

Alright folks, approximately 3 weeks after finishing dating detox, I am officially driving myself crazy, with an assist by online dating.

Based on past experiences and this one, I have determined that it takes approximately 3 days into online dating to become disillusioned. Let me explain to you some of the marketing and business model of these companies.

Online dating companies almost always have some level of a free profile registration. it is a boon to their business to be able to say that they have a large database. More fish in the sea, if you will. So you do that, and generally you are allowed to perform some sort of search function, or receive "matches" of some kind so you are able to see the types of wonderful people you will be able to meet, if only you join their service. Until you subscribe, you can only admire them from afar, but you will not be able to communicate to a level where you can actually meet unless you pay.

SO, if you do see some nice young men you are interested in, you can join and take a shot. Here is what they don't tell you, but those experienced in the online dating realm are well aware of. You're also taking a gamble on whether or not the people you are interested in are actually paying members as well. Because if they aren't, even if you are, you still won't be able to actually connect with them.

Therein lies the rub! I approximate it takes 3 days for you to join and realize the people you're actually interested in either aren't interested in you or aren't subscribed. Sometimes it feels like the recycling symbol- You're chasing one, he's chasing another, another is chasing you. And round and round it goes.

Do you sense a hint of pessimism in my tone? That bums me out. That's really not me at all. I'm letting this get to me, and that has to stop. I think I'm unintentionally putting all my proverbial eggs of meeting anyone in the basket of online dating, and that's dumb. And frankly, that's not WHAT PATTI SAID. :)

So now it's time to employ other methods. I'm thinking specifically of the 5 second stare and friend-referral, soon to be documented. So I will end on this note- do you know someone who you think I might be interested in getting to know and vice versa? Holla atcha girl!